Selfish Act…

I used to believe that those who take their own lives are committing the ultimate selfish act!

I no longer believe that.

I also used to look at famous people and wonder what there is to be depressed about. They achieved what it was they desired.

I no longer judge them that way.

Suicide is not the act of a person who is being selfish. It is the act of a person who has no where else to turn. They are trapped, backed into a corner, no matter how desperately they search for an answer, they see none in sight.

Even though they may be surrounded by dozens, hundreds, or thousands of people who love them, they are still alone.

The loneliness comes from having no one to turn to, no one who understands, no one who knows how to listen.

Maybe they are afraid that if they speak the truth, they will be judged harsher than they have already judged themselves.

Some will call them cowards.

If they were cowards, they would still be here with us.

A coward will not look down the barrel of a shotgun and pull the trigger, a coward will not loop a rope around their neck and step off the stool, a coward will not step off the ledge into oblivion.

They faced our innate fear of death, and prevailed.

I have been so lonely, so lost, that I could see only one way out.

Why am I still hear to write this, because there was no assurance, that if I took the only way out, my children would have a good life.

For those who are no longer with us, maybe they lost the one last thing that gave them the will to fight on.

Maybe their final bright light left them.

Maybe something overwhelmed the last vestige of hope for happiness they clung to, washing away their tiny little star.

Anyone reading this, who thinks this is a bunch of pap, you have never experience true misery.

Loneliness and misery are more than a missed car payment, or a broken heart. It is watching your world spiral out of control, and not being able to do anything about it.

Until you have lost everything. Until you are surrounded by people, but feel totally alone. Until you are in a position where options are limited…or zero.

Do not judge!

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